For the adult child
How to start the conversation with your parent
You may be the one who sees the problem, but it is your parent's house. Here is what has helped other families.
Start with what is hard, not what is wrong
Ask, "What is the hardest part of your day around the house?" instead of "Is the shower safe?" People will talk about a stair they avoid long before they will talk about a fall.
Ask before you act
It is easy to book a visit and tell your parent after. It rarely goes well. Ask if you can have someone look at the house, and say that they are the one who decides what happens.
Pick one small thing
A rail, a night light or a bar by the toilet can be the start. A big change is easier to talk about after a small one has worked.
Bring in someone else if it helps
A doctor, an occupational therapist or a friend of the family sometimes says the same thing in a way that sounds new. We are glad to work from a therapist's notes.
Your parent can say no to everything we suggest. We would rather they say it after a walk-through than before.
If you live far away
You do not have to be in the kitchen
Many of the people who call us are in another city. This is how we work with you.
Your parent signs the agreement, or someone with legal authority does. We do not take a decision from one family member over another's, so we recommend that everyone knows what is being planned.
We call you from the house during the walk-through if your parent agrees
The written report goes to you and your parent
Photos of the work go to you during the project
You can ask questions by phone or text, and we answer both
What to have ready
Before the walk-through
The house
The age of the house, if you know it, and the floor plan if there is one. A photo of the bathroom and the entry helps a lot.
The person
What your parent finds hard, in their words. Any equipment on the way, like a walker or a wheelchair.
The people
A doctor's or therapist's notes if there are any, and who else should hear the plan.
The questions
Anything you are worried about, including cost and timing. We will answer before anything is signed.
Questions
What adult children ask
Who decides what gets done, my parent or me?
Your parent, unless they have asked someone else to decide for them. We talk to the homeowner first and take their lead on what is hard in the house. You are welcome at the walk-through in person or on the phone, and the written report goes to both of you if your parent agrees.
What if I live far away?
Many of our clients do. We call you from your parent's kitchen during the walk-through if you want, send the report to you both and answer your questions by phone or text. Photos of the work go to you during the project.
My parent says they are fine. Should we wait?
That is your parent's call, and it is a fair one. Many people have the walk-through before anything has gone wrong, so they know what they would do and in what order. You can have the report and decide later, or never.
Does Medicare pay for home changes like this?
Original Medicare does not usually pay for home modifications. Some programs may help, depending on income, health and where you live. Your county's aging services office or the state's senior helpline can tell you what applies. We provide a written scope you can send to any program that asks.
Ready to look at the house together?
Book a walk-through, or send a photo and a few words about what happened.